White flag
by Marie Blubert
Summary: Sakura fought and won the battle with her demons. She finally found peace. But there are some things from the past that will never fail to rile her up. Post-canon. Sakura-centric oneshot. Prequel to 'I should go'


Disclaimer: I don't own **Naruto **by Kishimoto or **White flag** by Dido.

Song that inspired me: **White flag** by Dido

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**No white flag**

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_**I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be**_

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My life these days is peaceful. My life is not complicated. And I rarely ever think of Konoha these days. I never thought that living a simple, civilian life could ever keep me so busy and fulfilled.

After the fourth ninja war I worked hard with the rest of my friends in order to rebuild the village. We were all so busy and preoccupied. Always working so very hard. I think it was a way of forgetting. We needed to forget in order to move on. At least, that's what we thought we did, but we were only lying to ourselves. I was only lying to myself.

In the end, we built our home from nothing all over again. When all was said and done, everyone found the time to deal with the loss. With what we lost.

I was more fortunate than Ino or Shikamaru. I didn't lose my parents in war and I was thanking God every day for that.

I didn't lose a teammate like Lee and Tenten did. Team 7 was actually whole again for the first time in many years.

So why did I feel so empty? I didn't know back then. I do now.

Once the was over, everyone had to mend their heart. Everyone had to deal with their problems. They thought I was fine. I thought that I was fine. Only Tsunade asked me if I was ok. I remember telling her that I was fine, that the war hadn't taken a toll on me. I have never been more wrong about something in my whole life.

Slipping out of the market with the bag of groceries in my hand, I make my way back to my small and comfortable apartment. Today is my day off. I now work as a doctor in the town's hospital. I live in a small town near the border of fire country. Here days pass without the fear of losing something. Here people can enjoy life. That is exactly what I am doing. For the first time in my life I am actually living.

I'm not exactly what I would call happy. I still have nightmares from time to time, but the nights when I wake up sweaty from a terrifying dream are seldom nowadays. When I first came here two years ago, I was trembling almost everyday as a result of the night before. Some would say I had PTSD. It is common for war veterans, after all.

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It's time to have lunch and I am hungry. But I don't feel like eating in my kitchen. It's early spring and the snow just melted. It's cold and not many people spend time at the beach during this time of the year. I guess I could have a little picnic on the shore.

Picking out my clothes is hardly a problem nowadays as I always wear something casual but at the same time cute. It's important to pick the right clothes in order to feel good. A pair of black pants and a matching blouse would do just fine with a black coat. I'll grab a sandwich and an apple and be done with it.

When I have a free day, I'm never in a hurry. Actually I'm almost never in a hurry nowadays. At the age of twenty-five, I can say that I made peace with most of my inner demons. People like me here. They respect me for my knowledge and for being eager to help them whenever they have a medical problem. Mothers know whom to call when their kids get sick in the middle of the night and the hard working villagers know that my door is always opened for them if they get hurt.

Finally on the beach, I sit down and quietly eat my meal. The wind and sun feel so nice on my face, and my long hair sways lazily as if dancing to the soft sound of the waves. There's no need keeping it short anymore. I don't fight too often and when I do, it's only to protect myself and the people I care about in case some ninja stops by and feels like causing a ruckus.

If that happens, I can hold my own. I could ever since Tsunade trained me, but I never really trusted myself to do so. However, shinobi don't stop in this village and if they do, they usually mean no harm.

It's a good thing that everything regarding the past is just that. The past.

Things had calmed down and everyone was relatively happy. Ino and Shikamaru realized how good they were for each other. They were like a match made in heaven as people would say. Naruto started spending more time with Hinata and I'm certain that by now they are dating, if not engaged. Tenten and Lee were comforting each other and they just…happened. Everyone was trying their best to be happy.

I, however, couldn't find my place. It's not just that something was missing. Of course something was missing as I left a part of me on the battle ground with all the brave soldiers that I couldn't save, like Hyuuga Neji. But it was more to it than that. The nightmares were terrible. So much blood and hurt and death. I tried to ignore them thinking they would pass. I tried to remember the good part of me. The part that everyone loved. Well, almost everyone.

I couldn't bother my friends with my problems because they suffered a lot. Maybe even more than me and I had no right to spoil the peace they found. I didn't want to worry my family. The war scared them too, even though they weren't direct participants in it. A reminder of those days was unwanted.

So I tried to show affection to everyone. To my family and my friends. To Sasuke.

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"_Hello, Sasuke-kun!"_

"_Hn." Sasuke nodded politely but he was just so cold._

"_I'm going to the training grounds. I hoped to find Naruto there but I just passed Ichiraku and saw him there with Hinata. I swear he will never eat anything else."_

_I was trying to talk with him but he wasn't saying anything back. Truth be said, Sasuke was never one for small talk._

"_Do you want to spar with me, Sasuke-kun?"_

"_No. Not today."_

"_Are you ok, Sasuke-kun? You know, if you experience any eye pains, you should come to the hospital. I can heal your sharingan. I healed Kakashi and-"_

"_Stop talking, Sakura. I'm just tired."_

_She knew she should have dropped it then and there but why didn't he see that she needed him? She needed him as a friend and as a teammate. She wasn't expecting him to ever love her back. She just wanted his friendship and she wasn't asking it for free. She could be useful now. She could heal him just like she did Kakashi. Why was he always so cold?_

"_If you're tired from training-"_

"_I'm tired of you."_

_And without another word he left me frozen on he spot. I thought that after we've been to war together, the dynamics of our relationship should have changed just a little bit. I hated how he made me feel. So small and weak. Not worthy of his time._

_That day I bit back my tears and continued to the training grounds. They were empty. People didn't train so much anymore. They were busy mending their life. But what was I supposed to do? I was sleep deprived and depressed and I didn't want to bother anyone with that. I just didn't fit in anymore._

_Perhaps that was how Naruto was feeling when he was a child. I can't imagine how he made it through the day. He was alone ever since he was a baby. He never knew love and companionship. I felt so guilty. Naruto truly was the strongest man I've ever met. He would make a wonderful hokage one day. I had no right to tell him about my issues after the way I treated him._

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I know now, that I did the right thing by leaving. Naruto was now training to become hokage and his life was exactly as he dreamed it would be. He gained respect, love and friendship through hard work and sheer determination.

After my pathetic attempt to have a civil conversation with Sasuke, things got worst. A few days later I had my first hallucination. I remember the terrified look on my mother's face when she came to visit me at my apartment a few hours later and saw that it was trashed from what seemed like a fight. I told her I was just training.

I lied to myself then and said it would just pass.

It didn't. It happened again and again. I fought hard to make a difference between reality and illusion and I managed fine until one evening when I was having dinner with my parents.

My mom was cutting some tomatoes for a salad and it was probably the knife in her hand that made me go crazy. I thought she was Sasori and I screamed as if I was going to die any second. My dad was so confused as he tried to hold me back. I lashed out at my mom and placed a strong grip on her neck. It was only when I saw her sparkling tears that I snapped out of it, letting her go. I started crying and apologizing. I explained everything. They were very supportive, but I was scared. Scared of what I could've done.

I told them I had to leave Konoha as soon as possible. My hometown was driving me insane. They were so sad. I remember them telling me to stay, but I knew things would only get worse. In the end, they understood. I promised to write often and even visit them once I got better.

I do write. I write them a couple of times a week, telling them silly things like how I found a stray cat and healed her broken leg or how I have such nice co-workers who invite me to go out for drinks with them.

I never visited though. I never went back to Konoha. We met outside the Leaf Village when they were traveling either on vacation or to buy different things that they couldn't find in Konoha. I miss them a lot but I know they are safe and they now I am happy.

Tsunade is the only one who knows about my problem. She said it was PTSD. She wanted me to stay in Konoha under her watch but I wanted to go. I pleaded with her to let me go because it was what I needed and she also understood. She had done the same once. I left with the promise to write to her every now and then.

I do write to her. I like telling her what I've been up to. It feels good to know that there are things in Konoha which I can think about without becoming depressed.

I didn't even notice when the sun had set. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking about the past so much. It always leaves me emotionally drained.

As I make my way to bed I just hope that tonight my dreams won't be haunted by the sound of kunai clashing and the smell of fresh blood.

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It's morning and I am back at work. To tell the truth I enjoy coming to the hospital. I know I need a day off every once in a while to get some rest, but I enjoy working more. There are people here. I don't feel lonely here, even if they are just patients who couldn't really care less about me but are nice because I'm doing my job right. Which is helping them.

As I get ready to leave, a fellow doctor approaches me.

"Hey, Sakura! A bunch of us are meeting later tonight for some drinks. Do you want to come?"

"Sure. Thanks for inviting me."

"Of course. Should I pick you up?"

"It's ok. I'll meet with you at the bar."

"Ok. See you at eight sharp."

I smile and wave goodbye.

Then I make my way back home and take a shower. I always waste a lot of time washing my hair, but as I said before, I' not in a hurry anymore. I'm glad I'm going out tonight. It almost feels like I belong here with them. It almost feels natural.

I get dressed in black pants and a green see-through blouse. I apply make up. I do all the things that girls my age do and I'm happy. I never thought such simple things would be satisfying. Not after the grueling missions I went through and the tragic was I had to fight in. These simple things make me remember of better times when Ino and I would go out and pick flowers and waste all day being happy. I miss Ino.

I miss being a kunoichi as well. Sometimes I find my fingers itching to crush a boulder, but I always remember that in life you can't have everything. In life you have to make choices and I'm happy living in this town.

We meet up at the bar and have a few drinks. I laugh and I flirt and I know that I am a little tipsy. It's a good thing I have an afternoon shift tomorrow. We think that the air is quite warm for this time of the year so we decide to take a walk. Some restaurant owners even put some tables on the street for customers to enjoy the starry sky.

As I walk through the populated streets with my friends, I spot a cute dog. He seems so calm. I feel a pair of eyes on me and I look up only to meet his surprised stare.

Uchiha Sasuke was staring right at me after so much time as passed. My eyes widen, not really believing it is him. But it is him. I could never forget his face. He sits at a table with the dog at his feet. Three kids are sitting with him. He must be their jounnin teacher. I'd say it suits him.

I keep staring at him until he breaks our eye contact by looking away. I pass him as if nothing happened, as if I didn't know him. My friends don't notice that I am a little shaken up.

One of the boys walks me to my place and after I thank him and place a small kiss on his cheek I get inside, blocking the image of the young Uchiha staring at me with those deep onyx eyes.

But who am I fooling? I never was able to get him out of my head, no matter how muck I tried.

_**And when we meet**__**  
**__**Which I'm sure we will**__**  
**__**All that was there**__**  
**__**Will be there still**__**  
**__**I'll let it pass**__**  
**__**And hold my tongue**__**  
**__**And you will think**__**  
**__**That I've moved on...**__**  
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**A/N:** This story just felt right. It's supposed to show how Sakura made peace with herself, even without Sasuke's help. It's supposed to show how Sakura will have a happy life without Sasuke but that Sasuke will always have a place in her heart.

Your reviews make me happy.

**Marie Blubert**_**  
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